Struggles

For many years now I have struggled with my weight. It started when I began infertility treatments and has been a never ending battle since then. It is not something I am proud of, nor something I want to pass onto my children. More and more the Lord is showing me that the kids are eating what I am eating, and that is not good. I do not want them to be overweight or learn bad habits from me. So, He showed me a bible study that is geared to changing the way I think about food and helping me to focus more on Him. In the past 2 months, I have started over twice because I have just not been focused or really wanted to. Well, it is time for the change to happen. I need to do it because He told me to do it. There is no longer an option. He has given me what I need and now if I don't do it I will be in disobedience. Well, I don't want to be there so tomorrow I am starting over again on day 1. I am going to be dedicated and not beat myself up if I have struggles. I am going to do the best I possibly can and completely rely and turn it all over the Christ, because I can do all things because Christ is my strength. I am sharing this on here because I need to be more transparent and open in my life. I know I am not alone in my struggles with the sin of gluttony. I want my life and testimony to be an encouragement and maybe even a motivation to someone. I will post my journey with on here, the goods, the bads and the uglies. In doing this, as the Lord leads you, I ask that you would pray for me. This is not an easy thing to do, but with His strength, I can do it! Thank You Lord for such great friends to help me through this journey. Thank You Lord for loving me so much that You won't leave me where I am at. I want to be a living testimony to You and I WILL give You ALL the praise and glory!

Prayers please!

I have so many thoughts running through my head right now that I don't even know how to start this. I hate how the enemy can just slip in and take what was a great day and totally change things around. My heart is very heavy tonight and I am fighting fear, but I know that greater is He that is with me than he that is in the world. I had a great day with my family today, which I will share with you in another post. Right now I must confess that as the night came to a close we dropped of a very dear little friend of ours. There was a comment made by someone at their door and I have been having a very hard time dealing with it. I know this is not easy to follow, but for right now I am not able to share all of the details. I guess, right now, I am asking for prayer from you. I need you to step up for me and pray as the Lord leads you for the next 3 days. My husband and I are going to be talking with this family on Wednesday evening and I am just having a very hard time with it. I am battling fear and trying not to let it win, but I must say that I am not doing very good with it. This is something that is very near and dear to my heart. I am trying with everything in me to hold onto promises that the Lord gave to me a couple years ago, but I am struggling. I am trying to turn my thoughts and emotions over each and every time they overwhelm me. Please, if you will, pray for me. I would greatly appreciate it, more than you know!

December

It has been a hard December for me. There has been some things going on that have been stretching me beyond what I thought I could handle. I am thankful that God does not leave me nor forsake me and that He does not give me more than I can handle, but it has still been tough. I was watching the movie "One night with the king" and something struck me this time. The lady playing Ester said "perhaps instead of asking questions of our trials, our trials are meant to ask questions of ourselves?" I know that this has really changed the way I have thought about my trials this past month. I have let the Lord begin to search my heart and I want nothing more than to grow through all of this. He has showed me so many things this past week that I am still trying to process them. I know that this too shall pass, but I am now to a point where I am thankful for my trials this last month because it is making me a stronger person and I am becoming more dependent on the Lord, and not myself. I am beginning to trust Him more and go to Him with everything both good and bad. He wants to hear it all, and that is something I am not used to doing. So, I am excited to see where He is going to take me this new year!

Growing pains!

My daughter is 7 now and I did not realize with her birthday we were going to get the extreme attitude. Oh my, has it come and it is pushing me to a level I have not been since I lived at home with my sister. I have come to realize that she is very much like my sister with her actions and her attitudes. Well today I have had enough. She is doing things on her own and I am hoping this will teach her some things. Honestly, it will probably teach me more than her because some of the things she will have to do will show me just how old she really is. She is my oldest, and I am having a hard time letting her grow up and be responsible for some extra things. Anyway, if anyone has any words of wisdom on how to deal with a little girl with attitude please share because I am at a loss and willing to learn. I praise God for this challenge and am realizing that the older my kids get the more I am on my knees praying! Thank you Father for blessing me with her and allowing me to be her mother.